God, I wish I had more romance in my life.
I'm not interested in dating, though. Like, I want a story-book romance, something like Belle and the Beast, but with less singing cutlery. Those forks scared the shit out of me as a kid. Still do.
I want to find the one without having to go through the other guys. Maybe it's laziness. I like to think it's trust issues, though. I don't want to trust anyone enough to hurt me because I've seen friends be hurt again and again and well, forgive me if I'm not falling all over myself to get all up in that action, yo. I just want the guy who is right for me to be the one I give my trust to, and everything to be peachy keen.
Hey, hey, hey, I can hear the thunder of the clouds y'all have prepared to rain on my parade, and it sounds suspiciously like 'suck it up, princess', but damn it, No. I don't want to be hurt, I don't want to risk that, and I flat out hate embarassment. And with the one 'ex' moment I had at a grocery store (the thunder is now sounding like 'ONE ex moment?! Let me tell you, bi-otch, it gets WORSE') I Do NOT want it to happen again. I am open rather soon in the relationships I form, be it romantic or friendships, and I don't like the idea of someone going about who doesn't like me anymore knowing my life story. AndNO, I will not alter myself to be less open, because that is who I am and I rock that role.
And I keep dreaming about being in a relationship with this or that male, to make it all the more difficult for me not to think about this shit. And both my best friends are in relationships and have been for some time now, and it's like life is making me a third wheel no matter what. No blame goes to them (my friends), of course, and I don't actually feel like a third wheel quite often (having been the friend of a couple has weeded that instinct out of me over the years, as well as the fact that one or the other friend have been taken for several years now, steady) but life seems to think I would and will be ashamed of my singleton status and update to taken by the next fellow who seems acceptable.
F.U.C.K.
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3 comments:
Being single is cool. But why are you single is the question?
Well, I shall hold back my thunder for now. I am also at the point, after much (muchmuchmuchmuch) dating where I am ready to stop so I don't get hurt anymore. It's good and bad you realize now that dating rocks and sucks.
Also, as a best friend away from your best friends, I would like to add that I am single, and when you move back, we can be single together and scope out male specimens.
I think the reason I am single was bitched about in the blog at least twenty times. Which, really, is another reason I'm single; my lack of action and abundance of complaints. So, on top of trust issues, self-esteem conflicts and general nervousness about dating, I am also a pain in the ass to listen to, because I'm a bit of a broken record, just a broken record who switches up metaphors and similes to try and sound clever. So...yeah! Woo! But hey, I'm rocking being single, and am cool with it. It's just lately I've been a mood, a non-single-ish mood.
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